Surely I’m not the only 20 something mom that is guilty of spending a little (a lot) too much time on her phone. In fact, I’d like to believe that I spend less time on my phone than some other moms. I also think I probably spend more time with my head buried in Facebook than some moms, too. Whether you’re a mom that spends a lot of time on her phone or just a little, maybe there’s something to learn from my experience. What happened with my son, Clark, was eye-opening.
How I Put Down My Phone
It’s 2019! Of course there is a lot to do on my phone. I actually just took the leap into this Work from Home Mom thing, and found that I can work while I’m with my kids! It seemed great – until I woke up and realized that the benefit of staying home with my kids is being with them. When I’m working all day instead of engaging with them or scrolling through Facebook to see other people’s lives instead of the one right in front of me, it’s a problem.
It all began with doing something about Facebook. Not only is it distracting from my family, but the amount of politics and negativity make me mad on a regular basis. I found an app called AppBlock that allows me to set specific times in which I am allowed to access the app. It has been set to not allow me access to Facebook from 9-5. I do have access to Facebook through my web browser and find myself cheating more and more, so today I blocked Chrome as well. It is set to allow me access during Clark’s normal nap time. Nap time for him is work time for me!
After I started using AppBlock, it became a goal of mine to do better for my kiddos. They deserve a present Momma. I don’t want their memories of me to be of my phone.
WWJD
Looking at my near-addiction to my phone from a spiritual perspective was the life changer. Am I doing the Christian thing having my attention so captured by this device? Is ignoring my children in any capacity what God would want? And the one that really got my attention: I’ve been praying for His help with finances so I can stay home, but why would he do that when this is my version of doing so?
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” -Proverbs 22:6
This verse was also important in turning my attention. Firstly, how am I training my child if I’m hardly looking at him? Secondly, I’m teaching my son that basically putting something like a phone above all else is okay. Heads up: it’s not.
Plan Activities With Your Kids!
The staying at home thing is obviously new for me. Working 44 hours a week before meant coming home and watching an hour or two of TV with my toddler. It didn’t seem too bad at the time. Now that I’m home all day, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Puppy Dog Pals just didn’t hold my attention, so I’d turn to my phone while Clark enjoyed his cartoons. Of course, he’d get bored too and I’d be too immersed in my phone to notice.
When I started planning activities or even just playing with my toddler, TV became less important for him and my phone became less important for me. I plan to play a board game with him – a great way for him to learn counting – and I suddenly don’t need my phone. We get out the play-doh – no phone. Read a book. Dance. Go to the library or the park. Color, draw, paint, or craft. Sensory activities. The list of possibilities is endless.
How My Son Responded
Looking back on my son’s behavior I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I attributed some of it to him being 2 and some of it because he had a new baby sister. While those things may have played a small part, he just wanted me. Clark would do things he knows he is not allowed to do constantly. I can’t tell you how many times I told him to get off the back of the couch. I told him not to pull the dog’s tail almost as much. It was exhausting and so out of character for him.
We are about a week into this less phone change and I haven’t had to tell him these things a single time. It’s amazing what proper attention to your kids will do for their behavior. He naps without the TV. Going to sleep at night is a shorter process. We’re getting down a healthier routine. He is learning things faster and laughing more. He’s more independent than originally thought. (He’s still a total mommy’s boy, but I can actually do chores sometimes!)
Parenting
I’m still beating myself up a bit that I let things get the way they did. Lesson learned. When Clark goes to sleep, my phone time is spent looking for activities to do together.
Putting down my phone hasn’t been something that I’m perfect at. It is something that I strive for. Planning our day together always makes it easier.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and a lot about parenting. Learning is a process, though. Knowing all there is to know is impossible, but by reading other’s experiences and paying attention more, things are better. Living in the moment makes for the best life and quality moments.
Have you had an experience with shifting your attention? What activities do you like to do with your young kids? Share in the comments!
It is so important to be present with family members! Thank you for the encouragement!
It is more important than most realize! Thanks for the comment!
Oh my goodness. This is so spot on. I have 2 special needs kiddos that demand a LOT of attention and sometimes I find myself wishing they didn’t need me so much. It’s not always my phone (although I NEED this app you mention). But I agree that I need to focus on them more and enjoy the moments we have together, however hard it may be. It does make a difference.
It can be so easy falling into an escape for a while. I’m still guilty of it sometimes…but the difference I see in my life and my kids’ behavior is great motivation!
This. It hits me hard. I spend a lot of time on the computer and phone, mostly doing schoolwork. I didn’t realize it recently and made a goal to make more of that time to spend with my kids. They are now much happier! Props to you for pointing out what a lot of us don’t realize until it’s too late!
It can be hard sometimes, but it is so worth it!
Great post! Sometimes we need to bring awareness for these. I love non-electronic time – especially in the morning – little reading, prayer, meditation before I get on to computer.
Yes! It’s a benefit for my children, but also a benefit to me! I find myself spending more time on electronics after my babies are in bed… I think I’ll do something about that!
I hope you are promoting this post everywhere you can. More parents need to read your story and discover the benefits of laying down that phone. Having a well behaved child is reason enough.
This is one that I promote a lot! Thank you for the comment.